


Then My Soul Cried

by star_lili



Series: A Life of Regrets [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt, Mild Sexual Content, Post Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-23 04:58:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4864037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_lili/pseuds/star_lili
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All he knew at that moment. . . was his soul breaking.</p><p>Disclaimer: I don't own, nope. . .I'm not even mad</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Des'ree is always a good thing to turn to when your feeling it.

 

He burped rather grotesquely as he waved the beer mug in his flesh hand impatiently, making the bartender scrunch up his face in slight repulsion. The golden eyed man paid no mind to the stares and whispers surrounding him. He didn’t care who saw him and he didn’t care about lying low ever since his little lecture with Al. He wondered a little if Al was going to come back and try to pull him out of this one. His little brother was rather upset at him for leaving their friend's house in the middle of the night. Maybe he just gave up.

He didn’t notice at all when the bartender took the mug out of his hand and filled up his cup to hand it back to him.

“I think you might need water, Son. This place don’t harbor drunkards y’now. We throw ‘em out in the street.” the man grumbled, mustache moving against his moving mouth. Ed took time to process just what the older man was saying and when his brain finally took the message, he sneered and turned away.

“The fuck I care. ‘m not drunk ‘nyway.” Ed slurred back, hissing his words out and almost stuck his middle finger, but he ended up sticking up his index, having a hard time wondering why the offensive gesture seemed off. The unknown man just laughed at his slow and confused movements.

“Fu’ you.” The bartender just rolled his eyes and grabbed for the dish cloth to dry up some mugs and wine glasses.  _That’s it do your job,_ Ed thought, sneering at the way the bartender was whistling a cheerful tune. He thought it was shitty.

Everything was shitty now.

He drank again, making spectacle out of it really until his drink was gone in his hand again and the only thing in front of his face now was someone who definately was coming in second on his "don't - mess - with -me" list. His reaction to seeing the raven haired man was a slight whirl in his chair and trying to stand from the seat. He was not going to do this and Mustang was not gonna show his smug grin like he knew what the hell is going on. . . which he probably did. Edward saw Al with piercing eyes next, eyes that reminded him of his mother, eyes that had shown elation, gratitude a few years back and just this morning to judging and disappointed pools of grey emerald.

The sight frightened him so he tried turning around again, not wishing to see his baby brothers new look for him at the moment, but he was facing Mustang, the maman'sns face nonchalant. The eye patch looked more intimidating now. 

"The fuck is this?" Ed growled, slightly swaying in place. Mustang was quiet so he turned to Al who had a sad look to his eye. 

"Is this the man I was waiting to see again?" Mustang suddenly spoke, Ed turned to the voice, his mind buzzing from both confusion and alcohol. "The one Miss Rockbell cried for these years." Ed felt something inside him breaking at the mention of his childhood friend, the one he left on the stairs of her new home that harbored her and her husband, the one who readily welcomed him when she first saw him.

"She's wasted her tears." Mustang finally said.

"No, I. . ." The golden haired man whispered, lost in thought. Mustang crossed his arms and surveyed the bar. The few that were occupying it were staring at the scene. He decided at that moment to drag a dazed Edward out of the bar. Al followed close behind.

When they went to the alleyway next to the pub, Ed gritted his teeth and pulled his arm forcibly from the taller man.

"Wha' you doing?!" Ed slurred.

"Brother, do you even know what you said to Winry before you left? Are you gonna go back and apologize?" Ed narrowed his eyes and looked away from Al.

"If I know your brother, Al, he won't grovel for any kind of forgiveness." The older man said. 

"Shut up! You don't know me!" 

"Ed, your insolence will only get you so far. Winry will probably forgive you, though, I won't blame her if she suddenly lost some connection with you at all."

"You left Winry at her house confused and hurt. She doesn't even know if she should tell her husband about what happened between you two. You can't just. . ." Al raked his hair, frustrated. Ed clenched his fists and he felt his eyes stinging and his chest tightening.

"Is that all? I already know what I did. . ." Ed saw All looking up at him, surprise on his face. "I thought I was okay with all this I was happy that she. . . that she moved on. That she has a. . ." Ed slumped down and sat on his feet, his head between his bent knees while he hyperventilated.

"Brother. . ."

"Who called you, Mustang?" Ed asked, out of breath from the dizzyness he felt. 

"Ms. Rockbell did." Mustang said. "I live pretty close by."

"Why do you even care about this situation. . . You don't usually give a shit about anything."

"Ed!" Al scolded.

"Shut up, Alphonse." Ed gritted his teeth. 

"I won't this time! I --"

"Guys?" a womanly voice sounded with worry and something else Ed couldn't place. His mind was sluggish at the moment, but he knew who it was and his stomach churned painfully. He vomitted. 

In no time whatsoever, he felt a hand on his back and another pulling back his messy hair. He tried to pull away, but his bowels had other plans for the night and he continued on.

He briefly heard the voice telling Mustang and Al to go and he felt his chest and stomach tightening again.

"You look gross, Ed." Ed looked up for a moment and caught the light cerulean in her eyes and looked away.

"Why are you here?" Ed asked sharply. He felt the hand on his back tense as it was quickly pulled away like he scalded her.

"I -- I'm. . . I'm here because I'm going to speak with you." Ed noticed that her voice sounded just as sharp, but he didn't know what to expect. Winry was unpredictable. 

Ed stood up, his legs wobbly as he stared into Winry's face. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he knew at that moment. . . was his soul breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! I know I said that I would post this on the next day when I posted the first chapter, but!!! I decided to make this chapter longer and many things came up, including my health and school and work and it was just exhausting, okay? 
> 
> Also I'm pushing the boundaries with the T rating so it'll be a very very strong T as in straight up, bolded capital T with two plus signs so I'm terribly sorry in advance. So T++ :D

_"Are you sure this is the right place, Ed? I can't believe the location is in Central rather than Rush Valley." Al asked worriedly, looking up from the map to take a look at Ed's gaze. Ed smiled slightly and stopped walking._

_"I know it's pretty out of the blue. I would think it would be in Risembool actually. I'm kind of upset it isn't." Ed admitted then mentally slapped himself when he realized he voiced that last part out loud. He just saw Al smirk playfully, wondering if his little brother would say something to rile him up, but he didn't and Ed was grateful for it._

_"What do you plan on doing when you get there, Brother?" Al wondered aloud. Ed felt squirming in his stomach and his hands jittered a little at the question. Ed thought about it long and hard._

_"I'm not sure." he admitted. Ed heard Al hum in thought._

_"I"m sure you'll think of something. We haven't seen her in seven years." Then they were quiet and that left Edward to ponder a bit sadly._

_Seven years was a long time and a lot could change over that span._

_Winry could change in that span and he admitted to himself  that he was worried her feelings towards them, towards him, would be bitter. And who was he to blame her. He knew ,though, that in the back of his mind, Winry was a very empathetic and understanding person, but that didn't help ease the ache in his chest whenever he thought about her. He hoped she understood when he had gave Al the message, to which his brother passed it on Mustang to pass it to the boisterous mechanic, that he was grateful to her and for her._

_He couldn't promise her anything then. . . but now, maybe it would be different. He hoped that somehow, it would be different for them._

_When they arrived at the front steps of the house, Ed took in the appearance slightly distraught. The house seemed to take a much more homey appearance than what he usually thought for the mechanic herself since her place would practically scream "Automail shop" for those who passed it, but this was slightly different, for one thing. . . The sign read "Rockbell and Hutchingson's" . It made Edward feel something tighten in his chest and it was very unpleasant._

_"Maybe. . . this isn't her." Al put his eyes towards his brother in confusion._

_"Do you not see the sign? It clearly says her name, Edward. How old are you again? Oh, right, twenty-five. I almost forgot."_

_"Well, who the hell is Hutchingson and what kind of last name is that?" Ed as exasperated, not appreciating the tone Al was using to talk to him. Sure it was ridiculous, but something felt sort of with him._

_"The name Hutchingson would be me." a deep voice responded behind them. Both brothers tensed at the sound and slowly turned their heads towards the source that sounded unpleased. Ed took in the man's appearance and noticed that his head was covered by cap, his emerald eyes suspicious of the two men just standing outside his door. He had bags in his hands, the contents yet to be shown. Ed didn't appreciate the way the man was looking at him at all._

_"I'd like to know why you two are just outside my door. Are ya thieves?" the man asked dubiously. He quickly set the bags down, cracked his knuckles, then crossed his arms waiting for a response. Ed crossed his arms across his chest as well and tilted his head back slightly, his golden eyes peering into the man's emerald._

_"How do you know Winry?" Ed asked. Al chocked and quickly smacked Edward on the shoulder_ _._

_"Ed!" Al reprimanded. He then chuckled nervously while Edward scowled at Hutchingson. "Um, I'm sorry about that. We're Winry's friends and we just came to see her. We heard that her house was located here. I'm Alphonse by the way and this is. . .Edward." Al sighed at the end, quite tired of his brother's rude gestures. Ed did another once over at the man and took in mind that the man had a sturdy build with a gruff exterior. He looked to be in his twenties, possibly his age at most maybe a little more. His white cotton short sleeve showed of bulky arms and Ed noticed quite irritated that the man was taller than he was._

_Meanwhile, the man named Hutchingson unguarded himself and scratched his chin, humming in thought. Ed stood still quite uncomfortable with the man's thoughful gaze on both of them._

_"Alphonse. . ." Ed heard Hutchingson murmured quietly. "Alphonse and . . .Edward!" he gasped, startling the two men. He then pointed at Al with excited eyes._

_"You're the Fullemetal Alchemist!" he exclaimed. All unpleasant thoughts of Hutchingson now turned to annoyance and violent thoughts as Edward quickly jumped in front of an embarrassed Al._

_"That was me!" he exclaimed heatedly. He then remembered that he wanted to keep his identity and his return on the down-low, looking around to see if anyone else heard the outburst. The exclamation just made him more irritated than ever. How was it that Al was still being called his alias when he was no longer a suit of armor_ _? Hutchingson looked to be quite embarrassed with a slight grin on his face, his cheeks a little rosy._

_"Whoops! Sorry, i just heard a lot about you guys out in the country when I was just a teenager and not to mention Winry has spoke of you two, though, not as mu-" A door suddenly was slammed open, surprising the men and causing them to look at the source of the noise._

_Edward felt his heart stop._

_She was stunning, even with her rosy cheeks smeared with a little grease and her trousers even more dirty. Her golden, wheat colored hair shone in the sun, like a waterfall, some strands straying away from the sloppy hairstyle and her eyes were piercing with annoyance. And she never looked more beautiful._

_"William. What's with. . . all. . ." her voice strayed away, becoming gentle whispers and her eyes grew large and misty with tears, covering her mouth with her gloved hand gasping in shock. Ed didn't notice that Al was in tears and that his own were falling down his cheeks until she jumped from the small amount of steps to embrace them._

_"Oh, god." she whimpered into Ed's neck, her warm breaths heating his skin. Ed squeezed her just as tight, hearing Al sniffle. He barely heard words coming out of Williams mouth._

_"Well I'll be."_

* * *

 

_Ed sighed in content as he sank into the love-seat, his loose golden locks wet from the shower he just had. Both William and Winry were very welcoming, Winry especially since they were friends. She had bombarded them with a lot of questions until he had shut her up in annoyance. In return he earned two smacks on the head by both Alphonse and Winry. Winry was tearing up again at his insensitive behavior and she had to walk out of the room for a moment, excusing herself since she had to freshen up from her latest project._

_"Ed that was really insensitive! She just wants to spend time with us!" Al had reprimanded. It was silent and William had to excuse himself to check on Winry._

_When returned, Winry seemed more brighter, looking as if she forgot their last conversation. She began to show off her new designs to the brothers while William stood beside her  beaming proudly at her explanations, nodding his head in approval and occasionally jumping in, gushing at how Winry was the leading mechanic in her field. Edward felt more than proud of his childhood friend and he told her._

_And that's when he saw it._

_She blushed and murmured a thank you at his compliments, tucking a strand of hair behind her pierced ear shyly with her left hand. The ring had reflected the light the lamp was casting and Ed stopped breathing for awhile while he turned his eyes to Williams left hand, trying not to be noticeable in his exploring._

_William had a matching one on his left hand's ring finger. Ed continued to smile though he felt something like a weight just had been placed on his chest, but he ignored it and decided that he was happy for her. That she found someone she can rely on in the end._

_He was okay with it. He was proud of her. But if that was so, why did he feel his throat constrict when he tried to formulate words and why were his palms sweating. Why did it look like he was looking through a frosted window like the one's in England's wintertime._

_He was okay with it. It was good._

* * *

 

_Ed peered through the foggy window watching as moon casted its glow on Winry's front yard. He leaned his forehead on the cold wet window, tracing his flesh finger on the glass, drawing transmutation circles that seemed familiar to him, but long forgotten. Thinking back on how he was able to get to Amestris made him shiver._

_He looked at the full moon, wondering if the world across the gate had the same shape and glow that this one had. He tried to stay as quiet as possible, but when his metal hand touched the glass, it made a harsh screeching sound throughput the kitchen. He tensed, afraid that he woke the occupants out of their slumber. Straining to hear any sound, he sighed in relief when he heard nothing but the house settling itself._

_"Oh, you're awake, Ed?" a soft voice called from behind him. He felt his heart pound in his ears, startled. He turned to see Winry, rubbing her eyes and looking very beautiful in the moonlight, her hair glowing in the beams and her shirt almost translucent. He swore he saw some pink lace on the part where the shirt was unbuttoned and he forced his eyes away from the lovely sight._

_"Were you asleep?" Ed asked. Winry stopped rubbing her eyes and stared at him with a sleepy gaze that made his palms sweat._

_"Mm. Was working on a clients hand blueprint. Before I knew it I was asleep. . ." she giggled at herself. Ed rolled his eyes and scoffed playfully. She headed towards the window to see what he was looking at before, sighing at the sight._

_"Is your husband asleep?" he asked softly. Winry nodded fiddling with the wedding band on her finger. Ed tore his sight away from it._

_"You didn't introduce us. . ." he mumbled. He saw her tense her shoulders, then relax slowly, smiling a little._

_"Thought I didn't have to, the rings on our fingers says a lot about Will and I." Ed didn't say anything for a while, but nodded in response, though it was slowly and his throat felt dry all of a sudden._

_"Can't believe some bub actually had the guts to marry you." he teased, shoving her shoulder lightly with his own. Winry's calm and peaceful demeanor suddenly turned sour as she quirked an eyebrow at him and scoffed._

_"Humph, If you haven't noticed, Ed, I was actually eligible to marry at sixteen and not only that, I had a lot of admirers while I was growing up. Are you implying something?" she pouted, her pink lips protruding._

_"Yeah, I remember you had a really big head about that." he chuckled. Winry poked him hard on the ribs, earning a quiet yelp from the golden haired man. They both glared at each other, until Ed saw Winry quirk her lips and he was forced to the same. They both chuckled at their childish antics._

_"You seem different." Winry stated, her eyes sweeping across his face. "Taller."_

_"Well, excuse me!" he hissed._

_"Not only that, but I don't know. Your eyes. . .they look like you've seen . . . things." she hesitated. Ed turned his eyes away, clenching his fists at the memories swirling in his mind, memories of pain, hurt, and bloodshed. Of course Winry would see that in just his eyes. She always had, but this time, he didn't want to hide from her._

_"I have." he murmured. "There were times were. . . were I had to make stops and just think about whether or not I wanted to . . . continue. I had things keeping me going though. . . when I remembered them." He turned his gaze on her and smiled when he saw tears dripping from her face, her cerulean eyes glassing like clear water._

_". . . Like what?" her voice hitched. He breathed, his inhalation shaking._

_"Al was always there, reminding me constantly about why he was there and happy. . .and I just kept remembering what I had to sacrifice. And those sacrifices had to be worth something. They still do." he breathed finally, his whole body facing her. He saw her smiling now, tears still running along her smooth face. His heart pounded loud in his ears when he found himself placing a hand on her warm face. Her eyes widened, but she leaned into his flesh hand._

_"You haven't changed at all." Ed whispered in awe. Winry bit her lip, confusion in her eyes._

_"Wha--"_

_"You still forgive us, even though we didn't deserve it. . . I know I damn well didn't deserve it. You still love us. You didn't forget about us, Winry." Winry blushed at his words, shutting her eyes causing more tears to trek down her flushed face. He observed her once more, feeling his eyes water and his gut clenching. He felt his world spinning when he stared into her smiling face. She opened her eyes again and it took his breath away._

_Her eyes were different now, filled with happiness and a hint of hurt and love. Her eyes were brighter under her misty cover._

_"How could I forget you, Alchemy fre--" she didn't get to finish though because Ed stopped her sentence with his lips, pressing into hers like a desperate man, finding water for the first time. And he made sure he damn well was going to get that drink from the fountain._

_His lips moved against hers as he coaxed her warm body closer with both his arms. He felt her not responding, but when he swept his tongue across her lips and brought his hand to bury his fingers in her soft hair, he felt her body collapse onto his and she kissed back with such desperate force. She brought her hands to cup his cheeks tenderly and then opened her mouth to invite his tongue into her mouth. They both groaned into the kiss._

_He felt her breasts generously press into his chest and he slick muscle twirl around his tongue in expertise. He shivered under her ministrations, his heart beating so fast when she moaned when he cupped her breasts eagerly and she let him. Their breaths were becoming heavy between kisses, his mind cloudy with her scent of apple blossoms and some grease from automail, mixed along with her musky smell. He always remembered that smell and remembered how it was like an aphrodisiac whenever he was standing really close to her when he was the Fullmetal Alchemist. Her smell reminded him of home and comfort and he remembered how he would wake up at night in Germany, his eyes watering when memories of her face and smell began to fade away into the years. He was home. Winry was home and he wanted to stay there forever until he grays._

_He growled into her lips when she started nibbling. He felt his control snap when she dared to slip her hands under his button down shirt, her hot hands gliding along his abdomen and then her hands spreading along his broad chest. He pushed her against the wall with a loud thud, but he didn't care as he slipped his hands to grab her round backside and lift her her up so her legs wrapped around his waist. He couldn't help himself when he felt swirling heat against his hard groin and pushed his hips repeatedly into hers. He watched as her eyes rolled back then closed in sweet agony._

_"Edward. . ." she moaned, her hands clenching in his locks now. Edward panted heavily, his hardness swelling at he sweet sound. He dug his head, kissing and biting her smooth sweaty neck, running his tongue along her pulse. He buried his nose into her hair as the friction increased._

_"I love you!" he hissed into her ear groaning as he felt ecstasy heading along his way at the feel of the only girl - woman - he ever loved. Suddenly, the rolling of her hips stopped and he felt her hands now shoving his shoulders back in panic._

_"No. Stop! Wait!" she whispered harshly. His brain had yet to comprehend them though. He delivered a deeper push into her heat and she cried out in pleasure, clasping a hand over her traitorous mouth._

_"You don't want to." he groaned. She shook her head in denial, but she slumped against the wall when he grabbed at her breasts tenderly. She panted against his mouth, their heated breaths intermingling._ _He grasped the rounded cheeks of her backside forcing her hips to move against his._

_"Move, Winry." he growled, making her flushed cheeks turn to a deeper color._

_"No. I--" she moaned when he pressed her heat against him._

_"I want to," he gasped suddenly but continued. "I want to make love to you." he whispered. She gasped at his words, her grip on his shoulder tightening, nails digging into his skin painfully. His pleasure suddenly turned to pain._

_"Stop!" she yelled pushing him away. He let go of her and she slumped to the ground. He held his shoulder with his metal arm, his breaths coming hard and his face in disbelief. Sobs wracked from her shaking body, her hands coming up to stifle the noises._

_"But I--!" he stopped when she shook her head violently, silently telling him to not say anymore._

_He was rejected and he saw red when she tried curling in on herself. He suddenly stepped forward to her and saw her tensing which made his fury go wild and he grabbed her wrist in a tight grip, forcing her to place her eyes on his form._

_"Your not exactly innocent, Winry! You feel the same don't you?!" His eyes watered, and he tried to blink back the oncoming tears when she shut her eyes and bowed her head. He felt his face hot and wetness running along his cheeks when she didn't say anything for a while. He heard heavy footfalls in the hallway, but ignored them until they stopped near him._

_"Edward! What are you doing?!" Al cried. Edward then felt his wrist being grasped by a heavy hand and his eyes stared into emerald ones._

_"I don't know what's going on, but let go of my wife." William growled. Without Ed realizing, he felt his grip on Winry's wrist slacking and when he didn't feel her anymore he dashed down the stairs and pulled his coat hanging off the love seat ignoring Winry's cries to come back._

* * *

 

 Winry's stance straightened more, he saw as he stood. He briefly noticed her face splotchy from her tears and her cheeks irritated with red dots from probably the sting of rubbing her eyes. He felt grief from what happened and looked down.

"I've decided to not tell Will about what happened. For both our sakes." Ed bristled at her words and looked into her eyes.

"The fuck I care." he sneered. She fisted her hands, turning a livid glare into his direction.

"Well I do care and. . . he doesn't want to hear it either." her voice softening in the end. Ed stayed silent. "William is my husband. I love him." her voice shook.

"Is that all you came to tell?" he hissed. Her hair hid her eyes, but he knew she was trying hard not to cry. "You kissed me too, Winry. Are you saying that it didn't mean anything? What we shared wasn't of any value?!" Dammit his voice was shaking and he felt his throat becoming dry again. Winry didn't say anything for a while and he felt the agony in waiting for her answer, to say something, anything.

"I don't love you. Not like that." she whispered harshly. Her voice thick. He felt something cold enter his chest now and he swore that his world was tumbling down to fall into pieces. "You were my first love, but that was the past. You hurt me and I've hurt you. I should have stopped it, but I didn't. So that's my fault."

"Winry."

"The love I had for you is gone and I've learned to move on, Ed. Like you wanted me to, or did I misinterpret your last words to me." 

And his world, like that came down and shattered. 

She turned, making her back face him, seeing her shoulders shake. Before he could stop himself, his words came out from his mouth in desperation.

"Would you have gone to me and love me if I came back a couple of months earlier?" his voice shaking. She turned to face him again, tears again on her face.

"You can't ask that. I won't regret this because. . ." she placed her hands on her abdomen, smiling down where she placed her hands. He didn't realize that he was crying until she spoke again, his head pounding with despair, his hands shaking.

"We can't see each other, Ed. Not until I'm ready to. I don't know when that will be. Please. . . just. . ." she didn't finish, but she turned her back to him and started walking out of the alley. 

All he knew at that moment. . . was his soul breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if this should be an M or not. Also please tell me if the scene between Ed and Winry was too, I don't know, forced? Pacing was too fast? I feel conflicted with this and I might add Winry's POV on this but I DON'T KNOW!!?? I KIND OF FEEL SATISFIED WITH THIS BUT NOT? You guys tell me!
> 
> Also, right about, now. . . I feel so sad now. . .gosh. EdWin is my OTP, but I love an angsty fic now and again. I need to write something happy soon in HA so until then. . . tata for now *sniffles*


End file.
